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Letter to an Unsure Spouse

Updated: Mar 9, 2019

As we were thinking this past week and praying about how we could encourage other people towards foster care and adoption, we started to think back on when we 1st decided to jump into this journey and me (Jeff) felt a little more hesitant to jump in than my wife did. I wanted to share a letter I wrote to her during a sermon 2 years ago in hopes that some of you can be encouraged that even if you feel hesitant, scared, not ready...that that's okay. It’s ok to feel those things. But don’t let those things hold you back from doing what God wants. God used my wife & maybe he is using your spouse too.


Dear Mandy,


Through my adult life, you have been my companion. In retrospect, Jesus knew exactly what I needed as a partner in marriage. A determined, passionate (certainly stubborn at times) woman with a heart for children the size of an ocean. It was one of the first things that made me fall in love with you. I never knew fostering and adoption would be a road we would travel together and you were clearly the protagonist in that pursuit as we tried starting a family together. After our years of unsuccessful attempts at having biological children, you sought out classes for adoption through DSS. While I did not oppose, I certainly would not have pursued this route without your initiative and while I did go, my heart was still not all in. Through God blessing us on the final week of our adoption classes with finding out you were pregnant with Beckett, he gave us the desire of our heart with a biological son, oh but more than this, I realized adoption certainly wasn’t God’s back up plan to raise Godly men and women. God, in His perfect timing, knew exactly what I needed to open my eyes to fostering and adoption. How great a way to make his name more famous.


You will never know how much more clearly I see my relationship as a son of Jesus because of the picture I have of Isaiah. We chose him, we love him and he will always be our son, nothing can change that. There is a certain level of anxiety that comes with fostering and adopting through social services, but I have found solace to the fact that God has called us to it and He loves these children way more than I ever could. I pray that we have the opportunity to see all of our children grow up to make Jesus’ name more famous. Thank you for allowing God to use you gently and persuasively to push our family towards the fatherless. If God sees fit for us to have daughters in our house for a long period of time, I am confident that they will see Jesus in you as a mother and a wife. I love you dearly. Thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to use you to awaken the passions for fostering and adopting in my heart and mind. There is no one I would want to be on this journey with other than you.  

We hope this is encouraging to other married couples whose spouse may not feel the same way about fostering and adopting. If that is you, we are praying for you. We are praying that God will allow His Spirit to move you towards harmony and in the meantime, that you would bear with one another with peaceful hearts and minds. We pray the Lord gives you a peace and understanding of His will that only He can give. And we also encourage you to pray fervently (separately and together) and see what the Lord reveals to you.


If you are interested in watching the full sermon where this letter was included, click the link below!



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