"You're a mean mommy!!!"
Ouch. Those words hurt. But those words were yelled at me tonight as I was trying to help my adopted son get a splinter out of his hand.
This was the 1st time these words had ever been spoken to me. Don't get me wrong, there are times where I feel like a mean mommy! Like when I'm super impatient with my kids or lose control and yell at them! But on this particular day, I was being loving & helpful, mending my son's hurt hand. And he says, "You're a mean mommy!"
I can laugh about this now as I am back home sitting comfortably on my couch while my kids are in bed. But …… in that moment, my heart was crushed. I got back in the car and felt super defeated.
It wasn't just THAT one statement. It was many other things throughout the day!
Our oldest child who is the newest addition to our family has been through a lot of trauma in his life and that trauma results in behaviors that are not typical, normal or pleasant at times.
Today has been one of those days when his behavior has not been pleasant. So by the time my 5 year old yelled "You're a mean mommy"..... I was pretty down in the dumps.
We really tried to love our kids well this particular day and sometimes the love we give we don't always receive back the way we would like.
I know this is true for any parent/child relationship but even more so true for foster/adoptive parent/child relationships. We plant the seeds but the fruit doesn't seem to grow! Or we don't see it when it does grow! I'm still trying to figure this one out.
Needless to say when I got back into the car my heart was just not in a good place. I felt super defeated and just ready to stop trying for the day! 7 people crammed into a mini van is not super fun! Especially when 2 of those 7 are adults! The car was filled with crying, talking, yelling, screams, etc.
I was ready to cry, scream or tell my husband to drop me off on the side of the road to walk home (walking a couple of hours home seemed WAY more appealing than sitting in my mini van at the moment). But then my 9 year old bio son tapped me on the shoulder....
I turned around to see him quietly mouthing something to me. Normally I would have been annoyed that he wasn't speaking up but the look on his face made me just ask him to repeat himself. So he did. And I'm not sure I’ve ever seen my son look at me the way he did in this moment. It was the most sincere he has ever been with me. He gently and quietly said...
"You're a good mom."
I softly thanked him for saying that and turned my head around and immediately started to cry.
I cried because I was tired.
I cried because I was overwhelmed.
I cried because I was angry.
I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because I was tired of working so hard at what God has called me to.
But mostly, I cried because of how grateful I was for God shining through our 9 year old son.
Around this time, my husband started playing this song in the car and grabbed my hand. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsxw1fRHMA
I wish this were more of an encouraging blog post. But honestly, my 10 year old foster son just threw up twice so I have to go (pray for us). But.... I'll leave you with this....
You are a good mom.