This is a blog post that was written almost 2 years ago! I wanted to share it to encourage those foster parents who may be dealing with this same hurt and loss. I wanted to remind you to find JOY in the midst of pain, even though that may be difficult and to remind you that God's grace is sufficient! I also wanted to share this blog because it will be followed next week by a blog post involving Emma's biological mother! Renunciation is a beautiful thing and it's a reminder that even when we make heavy mistakes God gives grace and allows us to have a relationship with Him forever! I'm reminded that even though I have never had my children taken away from me, I am still a screw up and I still need Jesus! We all do! I hope this blog post encourages all of us to see reunification as a "God thing" and a beautiful thing!
"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." -2 Corinthians 12:9
That was the verse that started my day this morning as I sat down to have my devotions! It is definitely impacting me more now than it did 5 hours ago!
We lost our sweet Emma today. I say lost because thats exactly what it feels like! We got a call from our social worker last night letting us know that the possibility of Emma going back with her Grandmother and mother today was very likely and that we needed to say our goodbye's and prepare her things! The judge had the final say but they wanted us to be prepared for her to go. And so this morning as I started my devotions, I knew in my gut that today was going to be hard, tough, heartbreaking (at least for us)!
We had Emma in our home for 2 months and within those 2 months, we quickly fell in love with her! The fact that she slept through the night was a plus, but her sweet smile and adorable voice made it very easy for us to become attached quickly! All walls came down! My heart was fully open to this little girl because I knew she deserved that.... regardless of the possibility of heartache on my end.
When you are caring for a child and feeding them every 2.5 hours, looking into their precious eyes and praying over them, changing dirty diapers, giving them baths, wrapping them up tight at night, rocking them to sleep, singing to them, taking them to the doctor for their vaccines and check-ups.... you become their mom whether you decide to or want to. It's just what happens! You grow a mother's love for this child and if you are a mother, you know that that love is HUGE! That love is WIDE! That love is DEEP! And I felt all that love for Emma! So, today is a very sad day for me! I have cried off and on most of the day! 2 months is not really THAT long but, then it is!
She met my family in those 2 months who also grew to love her! She met cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers...etc. I know and realize that this doesn't just affect me! It affects everyone involved! She was a part of our family!
"Some things aren't resolved in one weekend. Some hurts don't go away. Some prayers are not quickly answered, and some seasons don't yield the fruit we had hoped for. But, just because God does not remove the thorn doesn't mean He's not using it for our good and for His glory."
"The enemy would have us so blinded by the pain of the thorn that we can't see the beauty of the rose garden. So consumed by the discomfort that won't go away that I can't experience what fragrance of grace lies just ahead. Look past the thorn to how Christ is enough in the midst of it. His grace is sufficient for the thorn He chooses not to remove."
-Ruth Chou Simons
I want to see the rose garden! I don't want to be so consumed by my heartache that I can't see the beauty in it!
So, what beauty?
Well, like I said above.... this was a loss for us because we don't get to see Emma anymore! We don't get to feed her, change her diapers, cloth her, cradle her, sing to her, rub her head and just take care of her (which was genuinely a joy to us) but someone else does! And that someone else is her biological mother and biological grandmother! How cool that we got to be a part of this amazing story of reconciliation! Not all stories end this way but I am praising the Lord that this one did! A lot of stories end with kids being moved from foster home to foster home or group home to another group home! A lot of times these kids are on a roller coaster with their biological families who say they want their kids back but do nothing to get them back! THAT has NOT been the case here! This girl's mom loves her and I know that because I have seen it! I have comfort and peace in the fact that Emma is going to be LOVED! And I am so thankful to have been a part of her journey!
The photo above was taken last night and what I love about this picture is that Emma is not smiling at me! She is smiling at my biological son, Beckett! How I cannot imagine going days or even months without my biological son! It reminds me that: ONE, I don't have to and TWO: This sweet mother doesn't have to go another day without her daughter! There is JOY in that ya'll and I am so happy for her!
God's grace is sufficient for me, for his power is made perfect in my weakness and I am so grateful for that! I am nothing apart from Him!
This Mama will never forget the 2 months of loving and caring for sweet Emma Bemma! I will continue to think of her and pray for her all the days of my life!