Around this time last year, my family and I were packing up bags and suitcases to say goodbye to a precious little boy who had been in our home for 2 years. To be honest, reunification wasn't something we ever thought would happen.
If anything, we thought adoption would be in his future. At around the year and a half mark, we started learning that reunification was actually a high possibility. I wish I could say this made us happy, but we had already invested so much time into loving this little boy that the thought of reunification wasn't something that brought me joy!
If you would like to read the blog post I wrote last year about saying goodbye to this little boy, you can here: https://www.onemoreonelessproject.com/post/how-to-say-goodbye Now that a year has come and gone, we can better see the beauty that has come from this situation. We can honestly say that we have JOY now and that reunification in this situation was best.
As foster parents, we know and understand how the word "reunification" can be a scary word when you are the one loving and caring for the children that enter your home.
You are the one up with them in the middle of the night when they are scared, the one who is praying over them each day, the one that is putting bandaids on their skinned knees and the one who grows more and more “love in your heart “ for them each day they stay in your home. We understand that there is a certain part of you that wants to keep every single child forever!
I have been reading through the Bible and was reading Exodus 33 the other day. Moses and the Lord are speaking together about how Moses should lead the people into the promised land.
In verse 12, we see that Moses says to the Lord, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.'
If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."
Then in verses 14-15, we learn that the Lord replies to Moses saying, "My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest." Then Moses said to Him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here."
I read these words and then listened to the recorded commentary on the "Through The Word" app (this is a great app for anyone who likes to listen to commentaries, rather than read them). I was blown away by Moses' response to the Lord in verse 15! I realize that Moses had ups and downs when it came to his trust and faith in God! But right here, he is in a good spot and literally would rather be in the DESERT with God than in a land of blessing without God! WOW!!! He would rather stay right where He is in the wilderness with God, than enter into the Promised Land without Him.
It was a cool reminder for me that when God is with you, you literally have ALL that you need!
The speaker (in the app) also shared a story that really convicted me and may convict some of you reading this as well. He shared this from an author he respects .... “I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please? Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine. I don’t want enough of him to make me love a man of a different color or pick beets with a migrant worker. I want ecstasy not transformation. I want the warmth of the womb, not a new birth. I want a pound of the eternal in a paper sack. I would like to buy $3 worth of God please?" After reading through Exodus 33 and listening to the commentary, I knew that my heart needed to hear this! God knows what we need, right when we need it! I say it all the time and I'll probably continue to say it but foster care is hard! Reunification is beautiful (most of the time) but, as foster parents, it's also really really hard!
Most days I want to be in the very center of God's will! But if I'm being honest, there are definitely days where God's will and my desires don't align! There have been times in my life when something hard happens (like saying goodbye to our sweet foster son) and instead of trusting in God's sovereignty, I question it. Instead of believing that God fights for His children as it says in Exodus 14:14, I doubt it. Instead of trusting that I will eventually see the beauty in the situation, I let my sadness and pain get the best of me & I turn my heart away from God. I take just what I want from him, when I want it, and when I think I need it.
I know so many of you reading this have had loss in your life. Maybe you became a foster parent with the intention of adopting and it didn't work out as you planned. Maybe you came into foster care with the intention of fostering but fell in love with the child and then had to give that child back to a biological family member. Maybe you became a foster parent because you felt God leading you to it, but then backed away from it all-together because it hurts too much.
I want to be sensitive to each and every situation because I do know that every situation is very different. However, I don't want just $3 worth of God. And I don't think you do either! I want ALL of Him!
I want enough for my soul to explode with how much God is meshed into my life! I want my sleep disturbed by the brokenness of this world! I want to love people of a different color, different background, different way of life and I want to love the birth mom or dad who put these children in these situations to begin with. I want transformation! I want New Birth! Do you? I want ALL of Him because I know (just like Moses) that when I have God, I have every single thing that I need. Are you content with $3 worth of God or do you want ALL that grace entitles you to possess? I guess what it boils down to for all of us is would we rather be in the desert WITH God or in the land of blessing without Him?